Self-Doubt and Giving Up as a Writer – Written by Ralia Farah

Let’s face it, if you’re a writer, then you likely have that crushing feeling of self-doubt that maybe your writing just isn’t good enough. In turn, maybe you abandon projects or give up.
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Let me tell you a story that will help you see your writing for the amazing thing it is. I was writing a fantasy novel on one afternoon. The rain was pouring, I was stuck inside, and I was really into making the plot. Midway through the day, I go back and read some of my writing, and my heart dropped to my stomach. What kind of garbage is this? I kept thinking, eyebrows scrunched in disappointment. It was terrible. Absolutely and utterly awful. I shut down my computer just to hide the monstrosity away from the world. Who would read my book when it was this terrible? In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I realized how thin everything was. The plot, the characters, it was all so flat.

So, on this rainy day, I closed the document and gave up on the whole project, moving onto something that I could write better because clearly fantasy wasn’t my thing. So, I went onto mysteries. A month later and 50,000 words in, I came to the same realization. What kind of garbage is this? Who would read my book when it was this terrible? I thought. Well, mystery clearly wasn’t my thing. I did this with project after project, leaving them all behind without so much as a second glance.

Two years later, I opened the document to the original fantasy book that started this downward spiral. Frustrated and considering quitting writing, I wanted to try to remember the last book I truly enjoyed writing. I remembered what happened, but I didn’t really remember the plot too well. A lot happens in two years, honestly, and this book didn’t make the memory cut. I opened up the document and began reading. Ten minutes in, and with complete amnesia to what I wrote before, I was smiling. Smiling. I was smiling because my main character had a bonding moment with her mother and it was so, so sweet. Minutes pass, and I laugh at an old joke I made. Did I write that? I try to recall, because it wasn’t that bad at all. It was…good.

I read all 40,000 words of the story. When I closed my laptop, I entered serious reflection. I was trying to recall why I hated the book so much. What was wrong with it again? I couldn’t remember! Thinking I was crazy, I showed a snippet to my brutally honest friend who had (rightfully) criticized my work for me in the past. To my surprise, she said, “It’s good! 40,000 words is a lot, too. How often do you write in it? Will it be done soon?”

As it turns out, I became my own greatest critique. Looking back, there really was nothing wrong with the book. The only thing wrong in this situation was me. I was too critical and severe to the first 40,000 of my first draft. Sure, it needed polishing, but so does every other novel. At the end, I pushed aside my negative thoughts, and so many beautiful stories were born and finished. What I’ve been trying to get to is this: even if you have doubts about your writing, all you need to do is take a break, you don’t need to completely quit like I did.

Don’t give up on your projects! Time reveals the true beauty hidden between the lines, and even if you can’t see it now, your story will soon come to life. Never give up and always have confident in your abilities! You are a writer, and your gift is the gift of pen (or a keyboard), and it’s time for you to step up and become confident in your gift! Happy writing everyone!

This blog post was written by Ralia Farah.